Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
