Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
