stop calling my apartment porn island.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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