Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
