it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
