So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
