Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
