hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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