if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize