Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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