Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Never underestimate the power of titties
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
