I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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