That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
whose parrot is this?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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