i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
