It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
