my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
