dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize