but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
