Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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