My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
