It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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