Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
