i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
