did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
