dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
