I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
