Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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