Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
