Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
