Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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