If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
