We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
