I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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