I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
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