i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
