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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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