He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
