Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
