Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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