fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
