I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
There's even glitter on my cock...
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