Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
