fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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