My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
