you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
