I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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