what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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