he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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