Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
