They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
