Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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