After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
