I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
