Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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