Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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