omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize