It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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