Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
