the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
