Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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