it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
