I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
