You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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